Toxic Release

Last night, my awesome mother treated me to a massage at the parlor she frequents. It was so relaxing and SO needed. One problem... I woke up today with what I'd have to say is massage hangover. I am so sore, tired and, predominantly, depressed. I know that a massage will release toxins from your muscles, but does that include your heart as well? The last few days I have been doing really well. Better than I thought I ever could be after suffering through one of the most heart-wrenching events of my life (I should have written more on those good days; then maybe this wouldn't be turning out to be the most depressing blog ever... heh). Today, though, I'd have to say I'm at the worst I've felt since... "the event". Is this just coincidence and it was bound to happen? Or did that massage work more out of me than physical discomfort? If it's because of the massage, then I'd like to think this mood will be like the sore muscles: just a by-product of working out some issues that will resolve itself on it's own. I'm not too keen on having to start from square one when it comes to my emotional happy place. Truthfully, the first time around, that happened in the blink of an eye. I think the reason for that was because the strength and inspiration I needed came so unexpectedly that I ended up being more open to it than I'd normally be. I'm not sure that could happen again. I'd like for it to, but if I'm being completely honest with myself, I just don't think it could. Or maybe I'm just reading WAY more into it and this is just a bad day. Probably the most likely reason. When I really think about it, a week and 5 days is not enough time to be "over it". It just isn't. That 12 days may have been the longest and hardest of my life, but it's still only 12 days. And, since we're being honest here, I don't think I'll ever be over it. Moved on? Happy? Really doing "fine"? Yes. But over it? No, I don't think so.